God’s
grace, peace and mercy be with you. My sermon title is Keys of Christian Marriage. My focus is our gospel (Mark 10:2-16).
Let us pray. Heavenly Father, the psalmist wrote, “I rejoiced when they said to me, ‘Let us go to the house of the Lord.’” Now that our feet are within your gates, we
rejoice to hear your Word. As we listen, may your Spirit enlighten our minds
and move our hearts to love deeply as Jesus loved. This we pray to you, Most
Holy Trinity. Amen.
Love
and marriage, love and marriage
They
go together like a horse and carriage
This
I tell you, brother
You
can't have one without the other
"Love
and Marriage" is a song with lyrics by Sammy Cahn and music by Jimmy Van
Heusen. It was introduced by Frank Sinatra in the 1955 television production of
Thornton Wilder's Our Town. Sinatra
recorded two versions of the song for Capitol Records in 1955, and on the 1956
album This Is Sinatra! It became a
major hit and was later used as the theme song for the sitcom Married... with Children.
Love
is obviously key to marriage, and undoubtedly to Christian Marriage. Before I
go into that, let me look at our Gospel. As Jesus travelled throughout Judea,
the Pharisees approached him with a test question, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” Divorce was widely
accepted in Jewish society at the time, despite the Biblical assertion that God
hates divorce.[1]
There
was some controversy among Pharisees over what constituted sufficient grounds
for divorce, but here the question was whether divorce was permissible at all.
Actually, theirs was not a question, since they already knew the answer, but a
trap to expose the unorthodox teachings of Jesus; to which Jesus posed a counter
question.
Moses
was silent on the question of divorce, and the only mention of it in the Torah
is Deuteronomy 24, which granted a man the possibility of writing a bill of
divorce. The bill relinquished any legal claims he had on his wife and allowed
her to marry someone else. It also afforded her some legal protection from the
man who rejected her. The purpose of the bill did not authorize divorce but
limited consequences for the woman.
Jesus
explained the reason for this was the hardness of their hearts that led men to
dissolve their marriages. Jesus chided the Pharisees, and even his own
disciples for their hard hearts and stiff necks.[2] He then drew attention to
the real commandment found not in the fifth book of the Torah, but the first,
where he cited the two creation accounts.
In
Genesis 1:27, we read, “God created man in his own image, in the
image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” In 2:24,
we read, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to
his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” By linking the two verses,
Jesus indicated that the communion of love between a husband and a wife is a
sign pointing to God’s ultimate purpose in creating humanity in his image.
Raising
the discussion to a new level, by referring to humanity before the fall, Jesus
implied that God’s original intention is the true standard for marriage, and
that the concession in Deuteronomy no longer applies because humanity is no
longer captive to sin, hard-heartedness or family breakdown. Jesus ushered in
the new reality – the Kingdom of God – that empowered people to live and
experience what God intended from the beginning. This new reality was made
possible through the Paschal Mystery – the suffering, death and resurrection of
Jesus Christ.
Jesus
concluded his teaching with “What God has joined together, no one must
separate.” In other words, the bond God created – the union of husband
and wife – cannot be dissolved by any human authority.
His
disciples must have wondered why Jesus would take away what was allowed in the
Law of Moses and set a stricter standard. He did not make life more difficult
for them. Rather, he empowered them to live according to God’s original plan
through the cross and resurrection. Once they experienced that, they could no
longer settle for less.
Inside
the house, Jesus expanded his teaching: “Whoever divorces his wife and marries
another commits adultery against her.” This is radical in two ways.
First, the indissolubility of marriage was as challenging and countercultural
then as it is today. Second, it recognized that adultery was a sin against the
woman. Note that in Jewish society, adultery was one man’s sin against another
man because his wife was considered his property. Here, Jesus acknowledged the
total equality of man and woman, and the mutual belonging of husband and wife
in marriage. His teaching also challenged Roman citizens to be countercultural
where women had a legal right to divorce for it affirmed that they were equally
responsible for upholding the permanence of the marriage bond.
So,
what does Jesus’ teaching mean for us – all of us whether we are married or
not? As a married Christian man, I cannot compartmentalize and choose Jesus’
teachings about different areas of life – marriage, wealth, respect for law,
authorities, life, parents, prayer, almsgiving and so on. I cannot separate his
teaching from how I live marriage. I cannot choose to observe his teaching on
prayer and parents, and ignore his teaching on almsgiving and authority. Jesus’
teaching on any area of life, like his teaching on marriage is like the song, they
go together with love. And this love, I find through the cross and resurrection.
I
bear the cross as Christ’s disciple and experience the resurrection. Whether
you are married, single, divorced, widowed, young and vibrant, aged and frail,
rich, poor, male, female, student or business owner, you know that life,
marriage, relationships, keeping the law, bearing the cross is difficult
because of sin. It is difficult because I am a hard-hearted, stiff-necked
person – and yet I know that I can experience life, marriage, relationships,
work and whatever in a new way because of the cross and resurrection. It is
possible for me because I live not only in God’s creation, but also in God’s
kingdom. Living in God’s kingdom and reflecting on his original plan for me and
all people means that living life and marriage is not only easy, it’s
wonderful.
Cindy
and I have been married for 14 wonderful years. Since the beginning, prayer
time together has been an essential ingredient in our relationship. We pray
before meals, and often share a daily reading and reflection from Portals of
Prayer before Supper even if we have company. We pray the psalms in the morning
and before retiring for the night. She also reads and offers feedback on my
sermons. I lovingly call her The
Sermonator.
We
have always looked for ways to deepen our relationship, and on the weekend of
October 12-14, 2018, we took time away to be with each other on a Marriage
Encounter weekend.[3] We did this because we
look forward to learn more about each other through effective communication and
prayer. Even to this day, we take time for a Daily
Dialogue question.
The
question might address my fear or anxiety. It may be about my role model as a
child or an activity we are anticipating. There are questions about our
children or grandchildren. Each day we dialogue on a different question because
each day is different, and there is so much more we can know about our spouse
and learn to love that person more and be loved more by that person.
In
closing, some answers from married people who answered my question, “What are
the keys to Christian marriage?”
First,
my wife, Cindy, penned these words: 1.
God First - By keeping God first in the marriage, you don't put yourself first.
Keep God first by praying together as much possible. 2. Spouse second - Put
your spouse ahead of yourself. Marriage is not 50%/50%. It is 100%/0%. Give
100% of yourself without expecting anything in return. 3. Respect and love each
other always. Final thoughts - It is important to take time together every day
to unplug and just communicate with each other. Taking the dog for a walk
together is a good time for talking.
Lou and Mary are married nearly 60 years.
In no particular order, Lou bullet pointed his keys.
·
Openness
to growth as an individual and as a couple
·
Willingness
to forgive and to ask for forgiveness
·
Stop
keeping score … put aside your ego for the sake of your relationship.
·
Always
ask yourself, “Would I rather be right or would I rather be in relationship?”
·
Understand
that living in a Christ-centered relationship requires that we take
responsibility for our actions and have a deep belief that Christ has a stake
in our relationship.
·
Believe
that the Holy Spirit is working in our relationship and ask daily for the grace
to love, to forgive, for healing and for intimacy in our relationship.
·
Surround
yourself with other couples who believe in the sanctity of marriage, who share
common values and support each other.
·
Continue
to learn about the complexities and dynamics of a love relationship. Never stop
learning … never be satisfied.
·
Give
back to your faith community and share your “coupleness” and talents with
others. Our faith communities and our society need strong role models who
believe in marriage. Get involved in a marriage ministry program, marriage
prep, couples’ faith sharing circles/bible studies, etc.
·
Make
time for each other especially when time demands may pull you in twelve
different directions.
Paul and Mary, are in what he describes as
a cross-cultural marriage. Of the Keys of Christian Marriage, he wrote:
At
the top of the list is the way the apostle Paul tells husbands and wives to
treat each other in Ephesians 5:22-33 – wives submitting to and respecting
their husbands as to the Lord; and husbands, loving and giving themselves up
for their wives as Christ did (even to the point of dying!). There are greater
depths there than I am summarizing here, like a husband loving his wife so as
to “nourish” her and see her grow (Eph 5:29).
But
one key thing that the passage points us to is the idea of doing everything in
relationship not to each other primarily, but first in relationship to the
Lord. The wife respects the husband, not because he’s always worthy of respect,
but because she does it for the Lord. And the husband loves the wife, not
because she’s always lovely, but because Christ loved us and the husband is
called to reflect that love and extend it on to His wife as the Lord wants us
to. Primarily, our marriage relationship is about our relationship with God,
and our actions that flow out of that.
…Which
gets to the greatest piece of wedding advice, in the form of a prayer, that I
ever got, written to us in a card on our wedding day: “May you love God more,
so that you love each other better.”
That
primary relationship with God, before the relationship with each other, is what
a couple will have to lean on in the difficult times. We need to know and
experience God’s love and forgiveness through the Lord Jesus, so that, in the
words of the sermon preached on our wedding day, “when you realize you’ve
married such a sinner,” it will be God’s abundant love and forgiveness that you
can rely on to comfort you – and to flow through you to the other person. And
when you finally realize there’s no amount of griping or complaining or nagging
that you can do to change your spouse, you go to the one who can change a
person’s heart, and you ask and trust God to do the work.
Wendell
and Kari have been married for 43 years. He summarized his thoughts this way:
1.
Be polite and courteous. Open doors, say please and thank you for everything
(and mean it), help carry stuff, etc., etc.
2.
Walk away when mad. Much better than having to spend weeks cleaning up unkind
words.
3.
Never utter the “D” word. Once you’ve rung that bell you can’t unring it.
4.
Realize that there will be times you simply don’t want to be married to that
person. Keep quiet and pray about it. You will be amazed in a week or so when
you can’t imagine you ever wanted to be without that person.
5.
Make a conscious effort to make “deposits” into the marital bank account. If
you consistently take withdrawals without ever making deposits, pretty soon the
account is empty.
My
friends, these are a few thoughts about marriage. As you have time today,
reflect upon them and God’s desire for marriage, and share your loving thoughts
and words with one another and others. And when you do, may the peace of God
that surpasses all understanding, keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Amen.
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